On June 27th Eric and I went to doctor to confirm our second pregnancy after our early loss in April. I should have been 9 weeks and 5 days and due around January 25th. The ultrasound showed our baby measuring only about 7 weeks with no heartbeat. There aren’t a lot of words to explain how devastated we are. Part of me knew, my symptoms had gone away two weeks prior but I was hoping for the good news and the flicker of our baby’s heartbeat on the screen.
My body has not yet recognized that our baby stopped growing and after confirming no heart beat again last week I have been diagnosed with a missed miscarriage. After celebrating my 26th birthday tomorrow I will go in for surgery on Friday to end the pregnancy. Instead of celebrating the 12 week milestone on Saturday I will wake up not pregnant for the first time in almost 3 months.
My heartbreaks that we still aren’t going to be parents. I want to fill our home with cute little baby things and celebrate as our family grows. For some unknown reason, it just isn’t our time yet.
“These are my footprints, so perfect and so small. These tiny footprints never touched the ground at all. Not one tiny footprint, for now I have wings. These tiny footprints were meant for other things. You will hear my tiny footprints, in the patter of the rain. Gentle drops like angel’s tears, of joy and not from pain. You will see my tiny footprints, in each butterflies’ lazy dance. I’ll let you know I’m with you, if you just give me the chance. You will see my tiny footprints, in the rustle of the leaves. I will whisper names into the wind, and call each one that grieves. Most of all, these tiny footprints, are found on Mommy and Daddy’s hearts. ‘Cause even though I’m gone now, We’ll never truly part.” -author unknown